Posted on June 10, 2020 by Russell Gayer
Until recently, if you wore a mask into a liquor store people would assume that you were either a robber, or a Baptist hoping a fellow parishioner didn’t recognize you.
Today, thanks to the coronavirus, it’s fashionable for everyone to wear masks in public. All you need is a head to hang it on and a face to attach it to. Despite the fact that the majority of the public can meet this simple criterion, many people are intimidated by the thought of wearing a mask. Don’t be afraid. They don’t hurt. Plus, your mask will never tell your innermost secrets or go bragging to other masks about how many times you wore it in public last week.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the pint-size Superhero who presides over this hallowed institution is The Periwinkle Gnat Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
Louise leaned over the backyard fence and called to her neighbor, “Hey, Betty, wanna go—”
“shopping? Sure.” Betty’s eyes lit up. “We can go to TJ Maxx and—”
“then swing by Pancho’s Mexican for lunch—”
“and a couple of Mango Margaritas.” Betty tossed her garden gloves in a chair by the back door. “Just give me a—”
“a minute to freshen up and I’ll meet you at the car,” Louise said.
Betty’s husband shook his head. “Those girls are so close, if one of them took a laxative, they’d both have to go to the bathroom.”
Posted on May 13, 2020 by Russell Gayer
I don’t know how many of you are superstitious, but according to my calendar, today is Wednesday the 13th. I know it doesn’t sound as ominous as Friday the 13th, but hey, just wait a couple of days and Friday will be here.
This morning, I sent an email request to a couple of well-known Jewish Know-it-alls asking on which day of creation G-d made Gentiles. Obviously, it was a complicated process as we come in a variety of sizes, shapes, and colors. He couldn’t just make a single set of molds and crank out a few million Gentiles like He did with the “Chosen People.”
So far, no answer, but keep checking the comments as we move along. I’m sure they’ll respond soon. Right now, one of them is scouring the Torah while the other is plucking nose hair and ear wax to create a mystic “Ball of Knowledge” that will reveal the answer to all questions great & small.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the Uber driver of this bus (who peeks through the steering wheel, not over it) is Ralphetta Kramden Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
*the above is an excerpt from Criminal Mimes
Posted on April 22, 2020 by Russell Gayer
No intro this month—you can breathe a sigh of relief.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the keeper of bats in the Belton belfrey who posts our photo prompt each week, is Denise “The Purple Menace” Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
Posted on March 11, 2020 by Russell Gayer
Friday night, we played cards with another couple. For a twist, I suggested we name our teams and add cheers or fight songs like you might hear at a high school or college sporting event.
Instead of choosing a fierce animal, bird, or renowned race of fighting people, we chose vegetables for our mascots. Ross and I were the Onions—known for our pungent odor and ability to bring our opponents to tears—while Connie and Peg decided to call their team the Beets. As the night wore on, the ladies’ became Un“Beet”able and won every game.
What rough & ready fruit or vegetable would you choose for your team mascot?
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the Kansas City Kumquat, who posts our photo prompt each week, is Mayapple Fritter Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
Posted on February 12, 2020 by Russell Gayer
Rubber boots and slickers are standard daily attire in my neck of the woods these days. It seems we’re in the middle of a winter monsoon, and I’m wondering if I should’ve started building an ark months ago.
Connie asked me yesterday about the snakes. Did they crawl from their dens and seek higher ground? I assured her they’ve sought refuge in our wood pile and probably the warm, dry confines of the building she converted into her arts & crafts studio.
I doubt she found any consolation in my words of comfort. After all, she’s afraid of snakes and wouldn’t welcome any on the ark.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the slippery serpent of Belton, who dangles a tempting apple from her pool of photo prompts each week, is Roshanna Weeble Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
Posted on January 8, 2020 by Russell Gayer
Gifts I received this Christmas included the David Sedaris Masterclass Course on Storytelling & Humor, and a book entitled “642 Things to Write About.”
Each page of the book contains at least one short writing prompt and enough blank lines to scribble something on the topic. Here is one example: Write about what you’ll be worrying about five years from now, ten years from now, and in thirty years.
Unless you plan to be cremated, worms in the coffin might be a concern. Or, if you plan to be buried at sea—that could open up a whole new can of tuna.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the Kansas City Sardine who hooks a keeper from her pool of photo prompts each is Wanda Gerschwitz Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
Posted on December 18, 2019 by Russell Gayer
The topic of today’s FFF intro is Wisdom Teeth. According to Wikipedia, they’re called Wisdom Teeth because they come in so much later than your other permanent teeth (or, if you’re from Arkansas—your single permanent TOOTH). Since they choose to show up so late, a better name might’ve been Procrastinator Teeth.
Some people opt, and even pay exorbitant amounts of money, to have theirs extracted. If this is example of wisdom, it’s certainly an odd symptom of sound judgment.
My two upper ones were yanked out by their roots years ago. The other two are so lazy they flopped over on their side and have no intention of showing themselves. I take comfort in the fact that having two remaining makes we half as wise as some people and twice as wise as others. How many Wisdom Teeth do you have?
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the Head Nurse who prefers to extract 100-word stories without anesthesia is Charlotte Diesel Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
*the above is an excerpt from Criminal Mimes in which Shelley “sees” and invisible box for the first time.
Posted on November 13, 2019 by Russell Gayer
Connie and I just returned from visiting a friend in Kentucky. While there, we took one of their famous Bourbon Tours (hiccup). The scent of mash in the tanks brought back memories of my dad making moonshine. The primary difference being that they let theirs age in charred oak barrels—Dad didn’t have the patience for that.
We also toured a Shaker village and Connie bought some brooms to give as gifts. They’re too nice (and expensive) to use for sweeping, so I suppose the lucky recipients will reserve them for midnight rides.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the Superheroine of 100-word stories who posts our photo prompt each week is Hazel Brunhild Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
Posted on September 26, 2019 by Russell Gayer
In many ways, 1969 was a memorable year. Fifty years ago, man first set foot on the moon, Woodstock was held in upstate New York, and the Beatles crossed Abbey Road.
Somewhere there is a fifty-year-old who took his first step, got potty trained, or whose uncle smoked his first joint—and took a trip without ever leaving the farm.
Not all these events are worthy of reenactment (except for the good bowel movement), but are still pivotal moments in our lives. What memory would you like to share from 1969?
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the Purple Pixie who posts our photo prompt each week is Aelfwine Twiggy Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
Posted on September 4, 2019 by Russell Gayer
I don’t know about you, but I’m starting to miss telemarketers. Making hateful remarks and slamming down the phone on a recorded message leaves me feeling empty and unsatisfied.
What if I want to pull a prank, or try to get extended vehicle coverage on our 1948 Ford truck? Who can I chew out over options to refinance my zero-balance credit cards? To quote Lucinda Williams, “You Took My Joy. I Want It Back.”
I guess the only thing I can do now is call Customer Service in New Delhi and ask for help with a deck of Bicycle playing cards that’s missing one of its Jokers.
If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the Twisted Sister who ties our brains in knots each week is Dee Snidely Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.
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