Sharp as a Marble

My dental appointment is scheduled for 3 pm on July 16th. By the time you read this my teeth will have been jackhammered free of plaque, polished, and flossed. I always dread this semi-annual ritual, but keep going back because of the little sign Debra has on the wall that reads, “You Only Have to Clean the Ones You Want to Keep.”

Let’s hope Debra hasn’t read my post from June 12th. Otherwise, she may break out the heavy duty cleaning tools (including oral dynamite) and hold my complimentary toothbrush for ransom.

If you’re new to Friday Flash Fiction, the literary hygienist who cleans every sentence and flosses between each word is Polly Dent Wisoff-Fields. If you’d like to participate in this exercise in madness, head over to her blog for step-by-step instructions. To view the FFF Hollywood Squares Authors Block click here.

copyright - Adam Ickes
copyright – Adam Ickes

Ewe told me to go stand in the corner—said I was baaaaaad.

Ewe accused me of being stubborn and hard-headed.

I said, “It takes one to know one.” (That didn’t go over too well.)

It seems I have a bad case of hoof-in-mouth-disease. My hole just keeps getting deeper and deeper. If I had a backhoe, I’d probably dig all the way to China.

Looks like I really pissed Ewe off this time.

Maybe if I lay low, keep my nose clean, and croon a few bars of “Ewe Really Got a Hold On Me, Baaa-beee,” Ewe’ll forgive me.

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50 Comments on “Sharp as a Marble

  1. Rochelle must be falling off her chair and rolling around the floor…Polly Dent? Oh Russell, I love the way you act the goat…you’re good…no butts about it 🙂

    Like

  2. Dear Rusty Ram,

    My daddy used to say “sharp as a matzo ball.” I keep putting off that dental appointment. No reason, just keep procrastinating. Guess I’d better call so the tooth can set me free. Soaking in the humor.

    Shalom,

    Polly Dent

    Like

  3. Feeling a little sheepish in light of that previous dental-related post, eh? For your sake, I hope she hasn’t read it! Your characterizations of Rochelle get better every week. I’m glad she can take a joke. Nice work on the 100-word story.

    Like

  4. Dear Russell,

    The title of your fine story should have been, ‘Ewe only hurt the ones ewe love.’

    God one.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    Like

    • That is an outstanding title, Doug, and a perfect fit. Where were you when I was trying to come up with a name for this piece?

      Like

  5. Dear Russell, Ewe (why not, everyone else is) make me laugh so much! Funny Man, they should make a movie about your exploits! Rochelle is still talking to you, I see! Nan 🙂

    Like

    • Debra used some sort of sonic blaster on me yesterday. You would have thought she was building an interstate through my mouth.

      Like

      • I fully expect to find my teeth laid out on my chest every time I see the hygienist.

        Like

  6. This week’s prompt certainly lent itself to plenty of punishment, didn’t it? Funny stuff, Russell.

    All my best,
    Marie Gail

    Like

  7. This is a riot! Polly Dent Wisoff-Fields has a nice ring to it. It’s one of my favorites to date. And your story is so clever, Russell. Ewe can step out the corner now. That’s funny, the corner is the first thing I thought about with this prompt. This was executed brilliantly.

    Like

  8. I like the story but I like the intro even more. I always knew you were long in the tooth but four out of five dentists would recommend Russell for their patients who read humor and chew gum all at the same time, Hope all was fine at your dental appointment and your tooth is sparkling and surroundng gums and surrounding gums and surrounding gums are nice and pink, and your tooth is sparkling.

    Like

    • Yes, we hillbillies are known for being long in the tooth (singular). It really cuts the work down for the dental hygienist, but for some reason they charge the same whether you have a whole mouth full of teeth or just one.

      Like

  9. Russell, what is it about a stuff ram’s head in the corner that brings out the puns? Ewe were one of the best, and with your introductions, it’s like getting a double feature every week. Great job.
    -David

    Like

  10. Very funny – and then I spotted the tags, and they were even funnier than the story – I’ll be keeping an eye on your tags from now on 🙂

    Like

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