What's So Funny?
Russell Gayer, author speaker
2pm in the Garden of Dumb & Dumber
If you stopped by this blog expecting to have your intellect stimulated—you came to the wrong place. That would be Douglas MacIlroy at http://ironwoodwind.wordpress.com/ or any other of the gifted writers that participate in Friday Flash Fiction. Mine is low-brow humor. Stop now while you’re still ahead.
This week’s story is inspired by photo courtesy of Sandra Crook (which wouldn’t upload for some reason). To read more stories, go to http://madison-woods.com/ click on the Blog tab, and follow the links.
2pm in the Garden of Dumb & Dumber
“Gee, Lloyd, this garden clean-up is hard work.”
“You’re right, Harry. It’s nothing compared to the pool cleaning job the Temp service sent us on yesterday.”
“Yeah, can you believe those two blondes? Uma wanted me to dive in the pool and hunt for her bikini.”
“And what about Ella? She took off her top and asked me to rub sunscreen all over her body.”
“Right, the bikini was under her towel and the sun wasn’t even shining. Only a complete moron would fall for those old tricks.”
“Is that dog poop you’re holding, Harry?”
“Yeah, good thing I didn’t step in it.”
Lost at Peter Bottom
Last week, I was blessed to get the opportunity to read one of my short stories on Tales From the South. Paula Morell host this show each week and it is broadcast on Public Radio around the world.
You Rock My World
I’m not at all knowledgeable when it comes to art. It wasn’t even available as a minor when I attended the University of Hard Knocks. The closest I came to collecting art was three Vargas girl pin-ups from 1973. Here’s my interpretation of this fine piece of sculpture.
This week’s photo is courtesy of Lora Mitchell.
To read more stories, go to http://madison-woods.com/ click on the Blog tab, and follow the links.
You Rock My World
Erastus was exhausted. The 80 A.D. Olympics were only eleven months away. He had been working extremely hard since his disappointing finish three years ago.
His corporate sponsors insisted he grow a third wing to boost his chances in the decathlon. The extra appendage had improved his time in the running and jumping events, but a hindrance in the discus and javelin.
This morning, Pannychis said she felt the earth move when they kissed. He smiled. It was just Mount Vesuvius rumbling.
Now, covered in dust and suffocating, he put his head between his legs and kissed his ash goodbye.
How I Learned to Stop Worrying . . . .
Back in days before “Cougar” meant something other than a large cat, The Rolling Stones recorded a song entitled, “The Spider and the Fly.” I’ve been humming it ever since I saw the prompt. I expect three or four Fictioneers to take that route, and I look forward to reading their entries. Instead, I chose an angle our more “mature” readers could relate to. The third paragraph is an actual line from the movie.
This week’s inspirational photo is courtesy of my good friend, Rochelle Wisoff-Fields.
To read more stories, go to http://madison-woods.com/ click on the Blog tab, and follow the links.
How I Learned to Stop Worrying . . . .
“Good morning, Mrs. Smith. How are you today?”
“Just fine, Doctor Strangelove. Do you have my husband’s test results?”
“Based on the findings of the report, my conclusion was that this idea was not a practical deterrent for reasons which at this moment must be all too obvious.”
“Could you break that down in layman terms?”
“Your husband has a growth over his hypothalamus. Here’s a picture of a healthy brain.”
“And here is the scan of your husband’s blockage”
“What does the hypothalamus control?”
“His libido or sex drive.”
“Good. It’s nothing that’ll keep him from mowing the lawn.”
The Still-House Spring
The following story is true. Details have been altered to better fit the photo prompt and to spare you from a short drive you into a coma. Rest assured any clear liquid referred to in this story has been properly disposed of through a natural filtering system before returning to the environment.
This week’s photo is courtesy of Piya Singh.
To read more stories, go to http://madison-woods.com/ click on the Blog tab, and follow the links.
The Still-House Spring
Dad was not a moonshiner. Sure, he enjoyed making and taste-testing the stuff, but I never knew him to sell any. He claimed it was legal to manufacture two hundred gallons a year for personal consumption. Seemed like a lot to me, but a year was longer in those days.
I remember him cooking off a batch in the rock house, using water from the underground spring to cool the worm. He nailed tarps over the windows so nobody could see inside.
How silly. The nearest house was half-a-mile away. They didn’t care what was cooking.
Being sneaky made it fun.
View from the Bottom
It’s been a rough week at the old grind. I’ve been more covered up than mosquito netting at a nudist camp. Changing to WordPress was easy enough. Now I have to learn how to use it. Right now, I feel kind of out of place and upside down. Let’s see what kind of story that creates.
This week’s photo is courtesy of Stacy Plowright.
To read more stories, go to http://madison-woods.com/ click on the Blog tab, and follow the links.
Man, this is really uncomfortable. I wonder how long I’m going to be stuck in this position. We were moving right along and the action just stopped.
People are screaming, running wild like a duck after a grasshopper, and it’s impossible to see with all those bright flashing lights.
I can feel my face getting hot from the blood rushing to my head.
This was all Mom’s idea. I was perfectly content inside, but she insisted on bringing me into the great outdoors. Now, she’s puffing like a freight train.
One more good push and I’ll be out of here.
Here I Is
Well, I finally made the leap from Blogger to WordPress. As usual, procrastinaton and laziness played a big part in the delay.
Connie is having a sale in the cabin this Thursday August 30th thru Saturday September 1st – hours from 7 am to 6 pm. She’s got plenty of antiques, collectables and new stuff to show and sell. A good time is guaranteed for all.
If you start feeling nature’s call we’ve a comfortable two-seater where you can relax with a companion (or alone) and find relief.
Misty Mountain Hop
Redneck Mythology
Mussel Shells
Purchase ‘One Idiot Short of a Village’
Purchase ‘The Perils of Heavy Thinking’
What's So Funny? 